Yes, that segue just happened.
This year as I sat writhing during the actual game, watching the Broncos fall apart worse than a Janga game played during an earthquake, I found myself actually more perplexed, even disgusted, by the continual cavalcade of big-budget crap running during the commercial breaks. I swear, saying 95% of the ads were absolutely terrible would be generous.
As I think about it, it seems the quality of the Super Bowl ads has been on a steady decline for the past decade or so, maybe longer. In some ways it parallels the Broncos' performance: So much hype, so much attention, so much money, so little actual execution.
Bad Super Bowl ads fall into three categories for me:
- Stupid
- Manipulative
- Boring
The vast, vast majority of ads that are trying to be funny are just plain stupid. They're either lowest-common-denominator shit that has nothing to do with the actual product, or they're bizarrely random shit that has nothing to do with the actual product. Either way, they're stupid and forgettable and a big waste of money.
Then there are the manipulative ones. Animals, kids, soldiers, people with disabilities… All designed to make you go, awwwwwww. But they're all bullshit. They are the result of marketers sitting in a room asking, "What can we exploit to make our brand seem like we give a shit about something other than sales?" A company spends money to help bring soldiers home. That's very cool. But then that company spends on advertising 100 times what they spent to get the soldiers home so that you are sure to know they got those soldiers home. That is not generosity. That is exploitation and manipulation.
Finally, the rest are just plain boring. I swear, someone published a "how to advertise a car during the Super Bowl" manual and everyone followed it like gospel. Celebrity voiceover/featured actor. Dramatic music. Some verbose copy written by a writer who so desperately wants people to call it prose. Then rapid-cut shots of the car hauling ass down the road. This is classic derivative advertising: Everyone trying to recreate Chrysler's ad from a few years ago. Even Chrysler sucked at it this year, using Bob Dylan in a poor copy of the Eminem "Imported from Detroit" ad. All boring and forgettable.
A few were somewhat worthwhile. One of my favorites was the Greek yogurt spot with John Stamos, THOUGH, it should have ended with him dropping the yogurt and her looking down and smiling. END FUCKING SCENE! Bringing in the other two doofuses from Full House took it from clever and fun to… stupid. But still, better than most.
In the end, the best Super Bowl spot didn't run during the Super Bowl. It was online, and it was hilarious.
